


it is just time for me to rest my head

by SafelyCapricious



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Brainwashing, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Past Brainwashing, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-06
Updated: 2015-12-06
Packaged: 2018-05-05 07:41:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5366888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SafelyCapricious/pseuds/SafelyCapricious
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He doesn’t like not being around Jemma. He feels safe when she’s around.</p>
            </blockquote>





	it is just time for me to rest my head

**Author's Note:**

> “PLEASE. DON’T. PLEASE?” + BIOSPEC
> 
> ASKED BY ILOSTTRACKOFTHINGS.
> 
> Previously posted on Tumblr.

He doesn’t like not being around Jemma.

He knows it’s a side effect of his deprograming – but she was there every step of the way, angry and scowling through most of it – he feels safe when she’s around.

It doesn’t matter that none of the skills he’s acquired while under have left him – that he constantly knows about twenty different ways to take out everyone in a room with him without getting more than a scratch. (Unless Melinda May is in the room. No one else knows but he actually prefers to be in a room with both May and Jemma so that if, somehow, he were to snap she’d stop him before he hurt Jemma.) He only feels safe around Jemma, like he’s not going to jitter out of his own skin.

He doesn’t remember what he was like before, not really. The only thing he can remember from _before_  is that he hated bullies. And then they made him into one.

He remembers everything about his time under.

Sometimes he thinks some of it was him – he’ll have the same snarky thoughts that he seemed to voice so often when he was working for Garrett and he doesn’t know if it’s just habit that he has them or actually  _him_.

He’s not sure who he wants to be, really.

The only thing he knows is that he wants to be around her.

It’s easy to be around her. Other him didn’t think about her much, beyond as a mark and someone he had to keep safe not to blow his cover, but he didn’t have any feelings about her. He has all sorts of feelings about her and just being reminded of the fact that he’s not who he was is enough, most days, to keep him settled.

He refuses to go on long-term missions away from her. He tells Coulson he’s terrified of forgetting who he is now and Coulson respects that well enough. Sometimes he thinks everyone is waiting for him to fall back into old habits so they won’t feel guilty about killing him. (Sometimes he wonders why they don’t just do it anyways. He hates who he was – they made him into a  _bully_.)

It’s a simple enough mission.

Jemma is looking over some abandoned equipment in an old SHIELD base, trying to decide which bits they could use. The place hasn’t seen hide nor hair of any enemies since the fall, so they aren’t expecting trouble.

He’s just located a cart so that she and whatever the other scientists want immediately can be easily transferred into the jump jet when six HYDRA agents burst through the doors.

His skin goes hot for a second as he considers all his options. Coulson would want some of them for questioning, but just killing them will let him get to Jemma faster – he’s a second away from pulling his gun when one of the men stops and salutes him.

He forces the tension out of his frame and offers the lazy salute that he would’ve given them half a year ago.

It’s easy to convince them he’s still on their side, and he lets three of them come with him while he walks to where he left Jemma. He forces himself to listen to the details the agents are happy to spill to him – how many men, who ordered it, how they weren’t expecting him.

He knows what it looks like when he sweeps through the door, listening intently to the agent at his side, and he can see the betrayal clear as day on the first scientist he sees, kneeling with a gun pressed to the back of his head just through the doors.

Grant doesn’t care about him. His gaze moves over the room, restlessly, until he spots Jemma.

She’s collapsed on the floor off to the side, and for one heart-stopping minute he thinks she’s dead. Then she moves, lifts her head up, and he can see blood at the corner of her mouth and –

It’s easy.

There are nine HYDRA agents in the room, including the three he’s come in with. It takes less than a minute before he has all but one of them dead.

The one who was standing over her is still alive, but he’s got his boot pressed to his throat and his gun trained on his head.

There’s rushing in his ears and he can’t hear anything for a minute, and then he feels her hand on his arm, fluttering there like she’s afraid to set him off. He doesn’t move his foot or his gun, but he looks down on her, uses his free hand to tilt her chin up so he can see the extent of the damage.

Her lip is split, there’s blood in her teeth and he can see a welt where she was hit on the side of the face with something.

Her hand grips him, harder, and he can hear her now as she says, “Grant. Please. Don’t. Please? Let him go – knock him out. We’ll take him in for interrogation, okay?”

He pushes down a little harder just to hear the man gasp, before he eases off and kicks him out. “Whatever you want, Jemma,” he coos at her. Her grip on his arm tightens and she rests her forehead against his chest. He cups the back of her head and drops a kiss to the crown of her head.

The rest of the scientists are shakily getting to their feet.

He’s glad none of them got hurt in the fray. Jemma would’ve been upset.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find my writing tumblr [here](http://capriciouswrites.tumblr.com/). <3 Prompts are always welcome! Come say hi!


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